Niagara Falls Jokes

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Mayor Dyster wanted an even bigger Boundary Waters sculpture for the traffic circle in front of the Hotel Niagara, but with his city facing a massive budget shortfall next year, he decided he didn’t have the Monet.

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When he was a young man, Mayor Dyster toured Europe and visited the Vatican. For some reason, he pulled out a hammer and tried to smash up Michelangelo’s “Pieta.” When apprehended and asked why he would deface the “Pieta,” he replied, “Pieta?! I thought it said PINATA!”

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Mayor Dyster was actually deeply disappointed when he first viewed the $585,000 Boundary Waters sculpture because he thought it was going to made of stone. “Next time,” he declared, “I will not take a work of art for granite!”

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At the grand unveiling of the Boundary Waters sculpture, Mayor Dyster was standing next to the artist, Jeff Laramore.

Dyster says to the sculptor, “would you like my opinion on your work?”

“Yes, ” says Laramore.

“It’s worthless,” says Dyster.

Laramore replies, “I know, but tell me anyway.”

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It’s a little known fact that besides being the talented artist who created the Boundary Waters sculpture, Jeff Laramore is also an avid art collector himself.

He has a very large portrait collection, to which he recently added, courtesy of Mayor Dyster, no fewer than 585,000 pictures of U.S. presidents.

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It’s a little known fact that Mayor Dyster originally wanted the American and Canadian flags to be part of the Boundary Waters sculpture.

However, the sculptor who created the modern art masterpiece, Jeff Laramore, protested, saying, “My synthesis of painted steel is a non-ambiguous, transcendent example of a three-dimensional, site-specific execution, that strives to bring people together, while capturing and embodying a spirit of place.”

“What you are suggesting makes no sense.”

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As everyone knows, Mayor Dyster commissioned the Boundary Waters sculpture for $585,000, when he could have had the Tesla sculpture for free before New York State Parks demolished its pedestal and pushed it out of the way to an obscure corner of Niagara Falls State Park.

Dyster, who also killed funding for a Tesla museum on Buffalo Avenue and blacklisted members of the museum group, was overheard to say, “Who needs a valuable statue of the ‘Father of Alternating Current,’ and designer of the first hydroelectric plant in the world right here in Niagara Falls? A sculpture honoring the 100-year anniversary of the Boundary Waters treaty would be a much bigger tourist draw.”

 

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